Heading into week two, the competition is getting fierce. Some contestants just may not have realized what they were getting into and are contemplating throwing in the towel early. Who is man enough, and who is just not?
There are some who have already proven that they are manly enough to wield a mighty beard and have shown they are fighting for the coveted Chuck Norris T-shirt, though many have already proven to just not be man enough for this challenge. As we all now know, one "man" was disqualified only days into the competition, for shaving at the prompting of his wife to look presentable for church. This comes as no surprise as the very same Gary "Gnocchi Smuggler" Marrero gave up only days into is year's Fatty Fat-Off competition as well, failing to resist the temptation of the Seattle Burger and Curly Fries.
Today let's take a look at those other "men" in the office who opted to not participate at all. Were they not even man enough to stand up to their wives, girlfriends and peers and say "I AM A MAN AND I WILL PROVE IT WITH THE MOST MANLY OF ALL THINGS -- A BEARD, DAMMIT!"? These offenders have been broken into two categories, those who refused to shave and those who refused to stop.
The "My facial hair is too pretty and I am not man enough to shave it off" offenders:
* Patrick "Skywalker" Muckian
* John "Raspberry Beret" Reis
* Aaron "Little League" Barry
* Rogers "Blue Demon" Collier
The "I am not man enough to grow a beard so I won't bother embarrassing myself by trying" offenders:
* Jim "Small Fry" McAloon
* Jim "The Painter" Cheney
* Joe "K-Fed" Lopopolo
* Dash "Teen Wolf" Castator
* Nick "Squirrel Nuts" Evans
You, my friends, have proven to not be man enough! And after the second weekend of the competition, we will keep an eye out to see if anyone else will succumb to the wifely pressures and give up forever on proving themselves to be a "real man!"
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Top Ten Reasons I Didn't Shave
10. I like it when people call me George.
9. I'm sheltering a family of small birds from the bitter cold.
8. My wife won't let me.
7. November was National Beard Month.
6. I refuse to support those heartless money-grubbing big-business shaving cream corporations.
5. I look damn good with a beard.
4. Stroking the hairs on my chin while pondering the meaning of life makes me appear more intelligent than I really am.
3. Without a beard I look like I'm 17 years old. Really, I do.
2. If I'm yearning for a quick snack in the afternoon I can usually find something left over from lunch somewhere in my beard.
1. Women find it irresistable. Don't try to deny it.
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